


Broken

by bellalinguista



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellalinguista/pseuds/bellalinguista
Summary: I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people.Yet, here she is: la dottoressa Carina DeLuca still lying - both to herself and here, in this bed that she swore she would never return to.Le studpidaggini che si fanno per l’amore, eh?(Spoilers for Station 19's season finale.)
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 13
Kudos: 207





	Broken

_ I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people _ .

Yet, here she is:  _ la dottoressa Carina DeLuca _ still lying - both to herself and here, in this bed that she swore she would never return to.

_ Le studpidaggini che si fanno per l’amore, eh? _

The stupid things one does for love…

Or rather, more appropriately: the stupid things one does to not give up on love.

Carina does not  _ want _ to give up on love, not again - not when it can be helped this time, but… but this is difficult.

With a soft sigh, she casts her gaze from the bedroom ceiling that she had been staring at all night, restlessly, toward the moonlit silhouette of the naked fire captain sleeping beside her. Maya’s fit figure is loosely covered by the bedsheet. A twinge of jealousy sparks from Carina’s stomach: how could she be sleeping, so peacefully at that after..

Well, after everything that happened between the two of them. 

Carina had come over to Maya’s after her shift at the hospital with the intention of talking to Maya; that’s what Maya had asked for - for her to come over and to just clear the air. They needed to talk.

To get everything out in the open.

But, very little talking had taken place. Carina ensured as much.

See, because Carina hadn’t felt like talking; she couldn’t just yet.

Now, shivering slightly in the aftermath of a conversation that should have been, Carina pulls the shared sheet up to cover her own naked figure. She isn’t sure whether the goosebumps prickling her skin were caused by the coolness of the room or the still faint feeling of soft, hot kisses that begged for forgiveness as they hungrily worked down her body - from her slender neck all the way down to her inner thighs while murmuring repeated ‘I love you’s against her warm skin.

Or perhaps she doesn’t want to even entertain the question.

She shivers again and knows the answer.

She feels slightly betrayed by it.

Carina, on the other hand, hadn’t been so gentle - the complete opposite, actually: she dragged her nails against Maya’s back, nipped and bit where she pleased to no protest. No, Maya didn’t say a word against her, not until… not until Carina started teasing her - bringing her close, close enough to the edge, just nearly enough to  _ finally _ finish..

And she pulled away. Carina wouldn’t let her. Not right away, anyway, but she  _ did _ , eventually.

_ Please, _ Maya begged, arching her neck back as the back of her head digged into pillows pushed up against the headboard she was grasping tightly with her right hand. Her left hand was wrapped around the nape of Carina’s neck.  _ Just let me-- _

_ Perché?  _ Carina shot back against Maya’s ear as she pulled her fingers away once again.  _ Perché te lo meriti? _ she asked, perhaps a bit more forceful than what she had intended. Why _did_ she deserve it? Carina leaned forward to press a kiss against Maya’s mouth, to tug her lower lip gently between her teeth. 

She was met with another, whispered, desperate  _ please _ .

Not one of her finer moments, Carina admits silently to herself as she rolls over in bed, closer to the edge and away from Maya. A firm believer of pain adding to pleasure, she knew that had not been in intention this evening. Not one of her finer moments at all, but.. but she was.. well, is still mad.

Mad.

Upset.

… sad.

… disappointed.

… in love.

It’s been a while, she knows, since she’s felt like this - nearly exactly like this. Okay,  _ va bene _ , maybe not  _ nearly exactly _ like this, but allowing herself to open up to another person, only to be heart broken, is not a completely unfamiliar experience.

This was always much easier when the sex was just casual.

No strings attached.

Grabbing the extra pillow from behind her head, Carina pulls it to her chest and wraps her arms around, holding it close. She buries her face against the soft plush and releases a frustrated sigh.

_ Perché sono ancora qui? _ she silently questions herself. Why did she come back to this? Why is she staying? Because of a promise to be better? A promise to prove herself loyal? That she really did love her? A  _ promise _ ?

She’s heard promises before.

They were hardly ever kept.

_ Mamma _ and  _ papà _ are fine. There was nothing to worry about.  _ Non preoccuparti, bellissima. _

_ Mamma _ and  _ il piccolo _ Andrea would keep in touch from America; we would all visit each other as often as we could - call at the very least. Maybe write...?

No, no, no..  _ papà _ was okay. There was nothing to worry about, Carina. Everything was  _ fine _ , you’ll see.

No, Andrea was  _ nothing _ like  _ papà _ . Carina,  _ papà _ is  _ sick _ . He  _ wasn’t _ , obviously. How could she not see the difference?

Carina knows that she’s not in the habit of fixing broken people because, well, all the broken people in her life? She hasn’t been able to fix them, no matter how hard she has tried.

From behind her, Carina feels Maya shuttle in her sleep. She moans softly, still fast in slumber, as she rolls over closer to Carina, who immediately freezes and whose heart just suddenly stops. Maya presses up against her back and wraps her arm around Carina’s waist.

She could feel Maya’s warm breath against her bare shoulder.

So close.

For a moment, Carina hesitates, but then wiggles her arm free to place over Maya’s. She does her best to carefully intertwine their fingers. Carina gives her hand a gentle squeeze; Maya absentmindedly squeezes back.

She exhales deeply, unaware that she had been holding her own breath. She could feel her heart beating again as she allows her body to relax, to lean into Maya.

For the first time all evening, Carina closes her eyes.

_ I love you and I’ve never said that about anyone before. _

Maybe to be able to fix a broken person, it required for one to not be broken themself.

_ Parleremo di mattina. _ The two of them would talk in the morning.

**End**

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long while since I've posted anything, but.. you don't pick the OTP, the OTP picks you.  
> I just love these two together so much.


End file.
